Ok, dont ask me where I got that weird title. Its from some random song which I cant seem to figure out exactly. Its a weekend, yet again and it seems like an eternity since the last one I had. Weekends never held so much pleasure. They were always fun and much looked forward to. But not quite as much.
Maybe its the six working day weeks. By the end of the week, exhaustion and lethargy will be the best descriptions of my state. The looong weeks were certainly one of the biggest unpleasant surprises that the Delhi life has thrown on me.
"Hectic" would be an understatement describing schedule for the sciencees in DU, almost an insult. Not many days go by without me feeling the pangs of the green monster of jealousy as I see the Artsees roaming around in the afternoon. Carefree and jovial they would seem as I grudgingly walk to the Science block for my labs. Labs are a pain in the *$$. But thats a topic for another time.
And when the long day finally ends up 430, you feel a relief like you have just won over a huge battle. And then you realise, tomorrow it begins all over again. Man, life is a lot tough these days. But yes, I will survive.
I have to go back to my room and try and chalk out an article for the PF journal - something which has a political relevance as well as a social significance. Thats what they want and thats what I need to write. But its turning out to be a horrendous task. I cant seem to surmount the starting trouble. Or the writer's block as they call it. Or my personal favorite, the deadlock of the left brain.
Ciao, guys!!
What I would ideally like to yell now would be that I am back. But I dont know that for sure. I have been facing a deadlock, something they call the writer's block. I have not been able to tunnel through, yet. I dont know how this began, I cant get myself to point at the cause. It just seems to be so. My mind is drifting without any particularly illuminating thought.
I have no idea why I took this month long vacation from blogging. Or maybe its just the obvious answer - laziness. Or maybe, its not that simple. The inspiration to write hasnt quite been up there in my "easily-accessible-list". So do I have it now?? I dont know. All I know is that am tired of being inactive and I am much enthusiastic to get the creative juices flowing.
Somebody mentioned to me during my visit home that the blog was becoming more and more personal in content. And the opinion was that it was getting too personal. I am not gonna refute the observation. I happen to believe that it is actually the case. But what is troubling me now is the next step. What am I to do about it?? Do I intentionally make the blog impersonal?? Or do I let my mind have its way??
It just occurred to me that this is not the place where I have that debate. What am doing is essentially thinking out aloud. Is the blog the ideal platform for me to openly debate (with myself) about these things?? I dont really have an answer to that. I guess, am just gonna trust my gut. Am gonna let it flow, atleast for now.
Nothing seems to be working at this point of time. Hopefully, I ll be back soon. Ciao!!
Friendly Advice n Confession : Firstly, dont even try to understand this post. I am guessing that only those people who know me really well will be able to understand even a bit of this. As for the confession part, I don't know how frank I want to be in this post. And am afraid that this post is gonna make me seem like an emotionless and insensitive creature who cares about next to nothing. Maybe thats true in some respects, maybe not. Suit yourself, if you wish!!
I leave for home day after tomorrow. The immediate prospect of going back has landed me in a sort of emotional dilemma. I am all at sea, about how I feel. Daughtry's Home goes like this:
I wish I felt like that. Or maybe I dont even wish I felt the same way. Home is a blurry concept. Wait, its not a blurry concept. Home is where you want to be. Home is about who you want to be with. I am pretty sure that most of the things am about to point out, will have run through your mind during some point or the other.
Here in college, I see people thrilled to be going back home. Some cant wait to be there. Some want to be there yesterday. I look at them and think to myself, why am I so disinterested?? Why is it that I am not all that enthusiastic about heading home. Especially taking into account the fact that this is the longest duration I have stayed away from home.
What do I have back home?? What lies waiting for me?? Yes, I can see my mother and I can see my bro. I can do these things and I will. But the question is whether I really want to do those things. Its not that I don't love them, but I don't really miss them. It might seem like the strangest of declarations coming from someone who stayed home (with his parents AND bro) for the first 18 years of life.
I guess that the concept of home got ruined when we left Alwaye. That was the one place where I truly felt at home. I loved the house (still do) and the people. It was the time when there was true harmony. Trivandrum brought me awesome friends. But it marred my concept of home. By the time I completed 12th, I couldnt wait to get out of home. My disappointment of being home after 12th was much whined about.
Given a choice, I would rather stay back here. But am not saying that going back doesn't have its advantages. All am saying is that its not exactly my first preference. Enough with the dissection of the ugly truth. Let me get on to the bright side of going home. Any guesses?? Friends and good food!! [:P] Getting to see my friends have to be the biggest incentive of going home. And I look forward to sleeping in my room. I want to take the car out for a spin. I hope I get to eat lots of fish and beef. I have even made a list of things I want to eat. And theres a ton of stuff that I wanna watch ranging from HP6 to Transformers 2 to Supernatural Season 5. I also wanna fill up the paattupetty with the rest of the songs and DL a lot more.
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Ah, its happened for the upteenth time. I have lost the spark to write. I miss having the PC all to myself in a silent environment where I would be left to deal with my thoughts and write. Adios, amigos!!
Disclaimer: Whatever follows is extremely personal opinions. You can agree with me or disagree. Guess what?? I dont give a _uck.
I am talking about 'Harmony', the college fest of St.Stephen's. I found out very late, that it is actually an intra-college fest. I had no idea it was so, and hence it came as quite a big surprise to me. And in the beginning I wondered how it could ever work out to be any good. That was indeed, very short-sighted of me. I realised just exactly why the rest of DU considers Stephanians to be snobs. Its the exclusivity factor which plays the major role. But I dont know if am all that worried about the snob tag. If you ask me, it makes the whole thing all the more fun.
Day 1 of Harmony is a blur by now. I remember the inauguration ceremony which was followed by the ChoreoSoc's dances. The western dance team were really good and if you ask me, the Indian dance team were pale in comparison. The dances were followed by 'Through The Looking Glass' which is basically a slideshow of funny pics of students, teachers, college (basically anything and everything from Stephania). TTLG proved to be quite entertaining.
'Matka Breaking' was the best event of the day. Physics had a team ready for it (which included me) and we were expecting to do really well. Our practices had gone really well. Too bad, when it really mattered, when the clock was ticking, we lost our footing. [:|] That was very disappointing indeed. We should have done way better. It took most of us a while to come outta that disappointment. Then we watched in awe as Fenn's team did it in less than 10 seconds, that too with an unusual formation. :O You would have to been there to see it. I wish I had pics.
Later, as the sun called it a day, Do-Re-Mi awoke. Its basically a stage for talented singers to show off while the rest of the college dances away to oblivion. Well, bluntly put, it wasnt all that great. The orchestra lacked sting and failed to inspire anyone. And dancing alone could only hold my enthusiasm for so long. I got bored and I walked around like a ghost.
Day 2 was supposed to be more fun as the events got underway. But then, I had to miss most of the day as I had to visit my LG. The biggest attraction of the day was the DJ Night. Sadly, it turned out to be a damp squib. :| The DJ blew!! It was very sad indeed. Dancing around with the friends proved to be the only thing that interested me. Some might agree that it is good enough. Well, they would have a point too. But something about missing a lot of my friends dint help. I cant wait to be back home and see all of them. Guys, am coming!!
Day 3 was unmistakeably the best day. There were lots of events that I was interested in. There was the Smackdown (a Takeshi's Castle act). And I dont see how the name makes any sense. It involved a team of guy and girl walking on rods across a mud pool, picking up balls along the way and depositing them in the baskets. I was thrown into the pool as were a lot of others. I lost my slippers in the mud. But it was worth it. [:P]
And then there was the 'Tug Of War'. Us, 1st Year Physics guys formed a team and we were good, indeed. The first round match of ours were against the Union. We made them look like lil' kids [yes, you are right to detect a LOT of arrogance]. And then, we were badly beaten by the team of big Jhats. They were just too strong. But it was a lotta fun. We are the best team from our batch and by next year's Harmony we will be the best. [again, arrogance!! :D]
My stint at 'Arm Wrestling' ended as soon as it began. With my luck, I couldnt have got a bigger opponent. I was up against this guy who had his arms thrice as thick as mine. [:O] I put up a fight though he was never troubled. Man, some of these guys are so big to the point of being scary. [:D]
'Limbo' was the next thing that I had a go at. I managed to reach upto the final round. But by then, the rope was at the height of my knees (or maybe a little higher). That was too much and I had to bow out. But once again, lots of fun.
'Mocktaves' which was hyped up to be THE event of Harmony, turned out to be quite boring except one or two acts. Blah!! Let me move on to the best thing about Harmony '09 - the Rock Show. 'Prestorika' was the band that was performing. They really rocked!! My neck still hurts from all the headbanging. Too bad, I dint have much hair to bang around with. [:P] They played a few of their originals as well as covers from Metallica, Megadeth and Iron Maiden. The concert was just over an hour in length. But they totally made up for the disappointments in the previous nights.
'Prestorika' is a really awesome band. You should definitely check them out if you are interested in metal or hard rock. Their lead guitarist is seriously AWESOME!! Take my word for that. Seriously, awesome!!
Hats off to all those who worked for Harmony. All in all, it was a great fest full of fun and it is indeed an intergral part of being a Stephanian.
Adios, amigos!!
My first attempt at writing a short story (or atleast something of that sort). I dont know if it will be any good. I dont intend to do any editing/re-reading.
Disclaimer: If some or any of the circumstances/characters resemble something you have experienced, its purely coincidental. I, as the author, mean no harm by anything I am writing down. I sincerely hope this is a good read. If not too bad, give yourself a pat for trying to enjoy what was most assuredly a piece o' crap.
All this thinking took him a few seconds to actually take a peek at the questions and to his amazement, they werent as tough as he had thought they would. As he read through the questions, worry was displaced by another ugly thing, the one they call overconfidence. He smiled, thinking how nice the questions were. They were challenging but not "that" challenging. "This is not going to be all that easy for everyone. But am gonna do well." He was convinced that he would do well. He knew how to go about all the questions. A smirk surfaced on his face as he thought how he'll be out-performing the rest in his class. "Evil, is what I am!!" and he wasnt feeling apologetic about that thought, at all.
And then, it began - the art of writing down the answers. He proceeded with the first question and the answer to which he was to arrive was a well established result. Gaining what was unnecessary confidence from the fact that he knew the answer, he set the paper ablaze with the pen running through, wildly.
And thats when disaster struck. A simple question as it was, suddenly became confusing. It was as if the brain went on a strike. He was stuck at the very first and the simplest of all the questions. A drop of sweat appeared on his forehead. He strained himself, striving to find that elusive next step. The frustration mounted and soon he was in a fit of rage. "STUCK!! AM STUCK!!" shouted the guy in his mind. Half an hour was wasted on that single question and without any luck.
He turned his head to either sides so as to glance upon his friends. They seemed to be doing really well. That was no surprise for they, in all probability, had prepared better than him.
It was way too late, when he finally decided to move on to the other questions. He had done only half of the questions. A calmity was all that it was. As the Prof. collected the papers back, the guy couldnt hold his head high. Ashamed at the profanity of his overconfidence, he went on to think about the rammifications of what seemed to him as the worst test he had ever given. The failure did not feel nice.
Thinking about the test was all that he could do. Nothing seemed to give him peace. Not friends, not music. The very idea of food was rejected by the mind. He had to punish himself, for his arrogance, for screwing up. He felt miserable and he felt guilty. Soon, he had gotten so angry at himself that he could kill someone with it. He was intransgient, mad and it was pure chaos in his mind.
He had got his wake up call. "THE" test turned out to be a test of his self. It was one of minute significance to the student, but to the self, it was one of great implications. It gave him a space to think, a chance to see and see, he did. As the mind, calmed down, as the rage went away, life was clearer than ever. He had learnt his lesson.
:| What say, people??? Do let me know. Adios, amigos!!
Life, as a whole seems to be running a bit slow these days. Its not necessarily a bad thing, but at times I find it irritating. The relativity of time, hasnt it always been so?? Atleast, in our minds?? Isnt that what really matters?? How we feel something, anything?? If the clock says 5 minutes has passed and if you feel like you have just been through an eternity, then what is the real truth?? How the mind perceives all that happens around is what ultimately matters. But yes, one ought to feel things scientifically.
Einstein's theory that time wasnt universal as we had thought it to be, was radical and shook our very foundation of thought - agreed. In the beginning, I too had a reasonably hard time digesting it. ["How the heck could motion be affecting the flow of time??!!" :O ] But it makes sense in a very human way of thinking. Time is affected by our thoughts and emotions. I know that am typing absolute rubbish - Einstein's Relativity and emotions?? How would that ever make any sense?? Highly erratic and irrational, even for my standards. I better stop before somebody mistakes me to be a lunatic!
Dumb, mulish lapses in thoughts are allowed every now and then, for each individual. What fun is it to be the same kind of person with the same kind of rational thoughts, ALL the time??? Why would anyone want to spend their time giving into monotonicity?? Why are people so afraid of how they are judged by others?? And why am I typing in absurd, random stuff??
Its a good indication that I should stop when am not making much sense to myself. Adios, amigos!!
